Part I ~ For richer for poorer
One of the many facets of Marriage within Chronic illness.
During this year, with my husband, we celebrated 30 years of marriage. We didn’t anticipate the limitations now ever-present, we hadn’t even thought about that when we first married. We were young, naive, having fun (and learning about disagreement) and preoccupied with our life getting to know each other.
Our cheery celebration filled with surprises was at home, which is generally how it works now, and for some years. But I don’t begrudge that we can’t go jetting off somewhere. We are fortunate to live in a warm comfortable home, with outside space and a beautiful view to enjoy.
But, like many ME/cfs sufferers, not only has our marriage been challenged, but also the place we call our home. As over time we had to dip into any resources we had, to keep afloat while my husband cared for me and couldn’t do paid work.
It can often be a misconception by society that if someone with a chronic illness is a homeowner, they have resources to deal with insurmountable problems.
What is the relevance of my point. That the home you have both worked so hard to build together in marriage is under attack. Not in a physical sense. Well, that said you may be experiencing those ‘lovely’ calls ie. ‘When will you be paying x y or z——‘ (complete where appropriate). And yes, it churns to the pit of your stomach
But you have to grip hands, and make tough decisions, way beyond what you may feel was the remit in marriage in the first place.
We did. A few years ago now. It was heartbreaking. Hopes and plans dashed. Those aching feelings associated with it. Signing over what was to be our children’s inheritance. We had spent the previous year without central heating & with an unreliable source of hot water. It was pretty horrible, but we persevered.
Hard as it was. One of the main positive outcomes was that the difficult decision gave our children continuity and a sense of security when they really needed it.
I know that the experience and memory is weighing on my husbands mind at the moment. I pray that he can let go and be at peace about it. He did and does his very best, well he does amazingly in actual fact, way beyond what I would manage had the roles been reversed.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
If you’re going through this challenge. And I know matters like this can feel so magnified at this time of year. I pray for you that help, options and experienced advice is at hand. A shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to and prayer warriors uplifting you. It will pass. And you will get through it. Keep holding each others hands.