The Garage Awaits – Help! | Hope found in M.E.

The garage awaits! Not the garage. Yes, the garage. They can be thought of in a similar vein to lofts, well certainly here in the UK. As in, why do we have them? How many people actually park a vehicle in one? I should probably check the stats on that. Although thinking about it. That’s why new builds don’t provide garages. *See Categories below. Oh come on. That’s just unreasonable. We boomers need something to obsess about.

Garage User Categories

Fanatic – Pristine sealed floors. Not a cobweb in sight. Rad lighting. Heater and humidifier. Basically a vehicle shrine.
Almost Fanatic – Hooks and shelves for everything. A light that works. Room for a vehicle.
Casual/Couldn’t Care Less – No hooks, no shelves, a pile of detritus shoved at the back with a few bikes and discarded paint tins spilling out from a degrading black sack. Room to just about get the car in. But don’t try to get out of the car.
Why do we have a garage? – An undisclosed offshoot of the local recycling center. Full of multitudinous detritus. Local Carol float in there somewhere, now flaking, along with a deflated Santa waving sadly from beneath a mattress. What do you mean park a vehicle in there?
Outdoorsy/Maker – Hooks and shelves for everything. Workbench. No room for a vehicle. Room for bikes. Hooks for bikes. Stands for bikes. Bits for bikes. Strict code of conduct on garage arrangements.
Gardener’s World – Basically now the garden shed. With hooks and shelves. Compost mixing area. Bulb storage. Flowers hanging to dry, but now emanate a bit of a musty aroma. Mower. Hooks and shelves for every gardening item under the sun. I’m jealous! Dog bed. Poster of Monty Don.
Adaptor – No longer used as a garage, but could be. Almost insulated. Plug-in heater on wheels. Laminate flooring in some strange nondescript wood grain. Lighting and swivel chair. Now a man cave filled with man cave paraphernalia. A few spare laminate slats hanging around ready to slip on.
No Longer A Garage – Fancy reno. Now a:
- Dining room
- Games room
- Granny annexe
- Gym
- Hair salon
- Home cinema
- Home office
- Place to silently scream when life gets too much.
- Playroom
- Steam room
- Treatment room
- Tick where appropriate.
Where Is the Garage? – It imploded due to lack of use or being noticed.
Garages Are An Outdated Concept, Babe – Well, okay yes, personal vehicles will eventually become obsolete if we are going to save the planet. And we need to stop accumulating more stuff that eventually needs putting somewhere. Green self-nudge noted.

Which Category Are We?

We come under Category 4., I think, because not having actually ventured in there for over a decade I can’t be certain. I kid you not. It could for all I know now be a spa. But on last ‘inspection’ you definitely couldn’t park a vehicle in there unless it was a toy.

A skip has been ordered. There is no rational alternative. Clearance will commence. With whatever can be recycled or donated hopefully being sifted out. But as I can’t help…? Why oh why did I ever leave any books in there? Apologies Lemony Snicket, but you were usurped. This garage is damp. Eugh. Really suitable for absolutely nothing, so can’t even have a garage sale. See Category 9.

My husband ~~is delighted~~, ~~loves decluttering~~, ~~can’t wait~~, is resigned to the upcoming garage extravaganza. Queue fixed gaze, staring into neverland waiting for the Number 42 bus while eyes glaze over. Wondering what the meaning of it all is ~ for Douglas Adam fans.

Closing Thoughts

I, however, will be no where near the area. As I can’t help in any way and would no doubt fall over something and require medical assistance.

Although I might power up my powerchair (it needs a run), zoom down, look, give ~~helpful~~ unsolicited advice on items beyond saving, then head off back to the house for a Camomile tea and oat biscuit. Feeling smug for having been so indispensable.

Bats In The Belfry

Not quite. But we have discovered we have mice in the loft. Meaning a subsequent Christmas decoration delay. Perhaps the scurriers migrated from the garage on hearing the arrival of a skip/dumpster?

As I rest alot, upstairs, I happened to hear them doing their merry dance across the plaster board. It’s just one joy after another. Sorry guys, but I don’t intend taking you with us. Pack your bags, peanuts and fluff and move on to pastures new. And no you can’t take the batman cape! What? You chewed a hole in it? OK, it’s yours.

The End

I shall be back with more moving tips soon.

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Have a blessed day⚘