Whilst I attempt to do a little more decluttering, surprisingly some challenging memories associated with stuff surface! I began decluttering about five years ago and am still going!
Decluttering – A Strategy
- A deadline is approaching, you need the spare room (spare, hahaha!) or it’s six months till Christmas. Notice a box (or boxes) lurking in the corner for about six months (but packed 25 years ago).
- Pluck up courage to open one.
- Close it immeduately as the overwhelm gushes out at you.
- Think about it over the next week, on and off. Trying desperately to find a way to avoid it.
- Look again.
- Open it. Rummage. Close it again.
- Then over the next week (or more) play Kims game trying to recall what was in said box and try to reason with yourself as to why you kept it all!
- Another week passes.
- Revist the box. Gingerly open it again and leaf through a selection.
- Almost run away.
- Start instead.
- Eugh! It does get easier, promise! Oh, alright it doesn’t, but somehow 25 years of stuff has to be gradually dealt with. In my case, at a snails pace. And probably why I still have such old stuff lurking.
- This strategy is obviously not ideal, and why I sought other more constructive strategum.
- *Please see tips within this post and Book List.
The Decluttering Memory
A recent decluttering related memory startled me. Another extremely good reason for not holding onto ‘things’. Or maybe they should sit and wait to be unravelled? But probably not. The memory made me think about how much store I had set on a particular experience, and my perception of people’s view of me. I realised how pointless that is. Isn’t what really matters is what God sees in my heart?
Decluttering tip: make yourself comfortable. Have a waste bin, recycling bag (donate/sell bag if appropriate and if you realistically are going to) and shredder within reach. Plus a bag for the shredding. Rather than creating more piles to be dealt with. You deal with it there and then. Have a box for keeps too. But you will find you once you get started that will very likely go through it again and weed more out as you go along.
Back To The Memory
Had anyone noticed, asked or known about the many antisocial hours that had gone into ‘the project’ as a young mum juggling toddler and newborn family life? Whilst I was trying to stop a three-year-old from posting their many creations into the computer disc drive. While also calculating and meeting deadlines. This all pre-internet, email, bluetooth and USB. We’re talking floppy discs and hard copy. Deadlines which were to suddenly change minus consultation. Thus unravelling prearranged time frames involving other people. You can see the dominos in slow-mo for the busy mum? Noooo! This ultimately was the kicker.
Honestly, I don’t have the memory of an elephant. But years of limited function, can offer too much time to think.
Decluttering tip: don’t linger too long on something. Follow your gut and let it go.
This memory, triggered by a pile of 20+ year-old paper, notes, printouts and layouts. This has to stop. Make haste. Hail the shredder!! What on earth had I been I thinking? What on earth were others thinking asking me? Why didn’t I set boundaries?
I discussed this in a post earlier this year ‘Boundaries – Knowing Our No From Our Yes‘ and finally am putting the memory to bed. At last! This moving business really is multi-faceted.
Letting It Go
I finally let ‘the project’ go. But not the memory it would seem. A weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders. But it was a hard no to say. Whoever invented guilt, just stop it! Had I been trying to prove to myself I could be ‘Mrs I Can Do It All’. Groan! Says much of the population.
Sadly, the same old trope of ‘I am/we are going to overstep your non-existent boundaries‘ has happened in various settings. With me realising each time that enough is enough. It really gets boring, and sad. But atleast I can see it now.
A once employer at times conveyed, by osmosis, a sense of ‘well, you’ll never quite be up to scratch, but you’ll do‘. I am a conscientious person. (Many with MEcfs are.) Sooo! I was abrupt with that employer once, exasperated by their nit picky type control. They were shocked and offered me chocolate! Umm! I again should have had a conversation and or sought pastures new.
Decluttering tip: learn to discern what is no longer serving you. Do you really need that Christmas list from 1853? You do? Are you absolutely sure? I would suggest donating it to The British Library or to an episode of Fake or Fortune.
Where Are Boundaries Crossed?
It can happen anywhere. I almost walked out from a post (as a working parent) when denied two hours, not two days or weeks, two hours to watch one of my children’s junior year performances. I should have downed tools, grabbed my coat, my car keys, my resolve and left. A glaring red flag was madly waving in a force ten gale, but I just took it on the chin. Aaaagh…not again!
This from the mother who plays Phenomenal Woman by Laura Mvula on repeat to her daughter, whilst having always refused to gift toy sized ironing boards or domestication! Oh my my! I desire to have that amount of sass!
Decluttering tip: give yourself a pat on the back for having done some.
Learning Boundaries
Growing up minus direction about boundaries can make one too tolerant and not know that one has limits which should be respected, and that its perfecftly reasonable to expect that. From my experience as a parent, a child will test the boundaries for many reasons. A healthy and normal learning behaviour. They may want something or want to know if something is a good, bad or dreadful idea. Their parent is a safety gauge, at times without knowing it. They can test their nos too. And practice using them in a safe space. I can say no to my children, not so good with other people.
When boundaries don’t exist or aren’t encouraged it takes years to learn what they are and how to use them in a healthy way. Whilst not saying no to everyone and everything. Not being made aware of healthy boundaries or encouraged to set your own and have them acknowledged and respected is unhealthy. Resulting in the boundaryless trying to fix everything for everyone whilst striving to keep everyone happy without realising – it’s not actually their responsibility!!! Phew! And breath.
Decluttering tip: set a timer, have a (non-alcoholic) drink handy. Tempting though it might be. And don’t start decluttering when you’re tired or hungry. Bit of a dilema with MEcfs, I simply decide if I can risk it at a particular moment in time. Which in an ideal world would be never.
Books About Boundaries
Some book suggestions on the subject of boundaries:
- Pleasing You Is Killing Me by Dr Les Carter
- Boundaries: when to say Yes and how to say No by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend
- Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyl McBride Ph.D
Hopefully my understanding of my limits continues to grow and I think to heal in certain areas. And value who I am, not what others expect or anticipate. Writing helps. I now know the no word. I use it whilst honouring my boundaries. No can be used with no need for apology or grovelling explanation. It doesn’t have to be rude or abrupt, but it does need to be meant. But it takes continual practice, like any skill learned. As in knowing our limits.
During an early MEcfs Occupational Therapist encounter, I became versed by them, a very lovely and supportive person, to use the ‘scratched record’ technique. Basically keep repeating yourself and the message will eventually be received. But ultimately it’s not your responsibility to keep explaining.
The adage below comes to mind.
‘You can’t pour from an empty cup.’
This does grate, because you pour from a jug, you drink from a cup. If one pours from a cup, it is uncontrolled pouring chaos spilling everywhere! Perhaps that’s the point?
Basically, meet your needs and ensure you are refreshed. You then have clarity to decide what you can give, what is wise and what you are happy (and able) to give, from your jug. It creates inner peace ultimately.
The jug and cup really are two separate things, *imho.
Books About Decluttering
Here are some book suggestions, which continue to help me along the decluttering path. I do struggle to read and retain, so dipping in is essential. Along with very strict pacing and listening to my body’s signals on the very distinct lack of energy.
- Declutter – the get-real guide to creating calm from chaos by Debora Robertson
- The Clutter-Free Home by Kathi Lipp creator of the Clutter Free Academy
- The Declutter Challenge by Cassandra Aarssen
- Unf*ck Your Habitat – you’re better than your mess by Rachel Hoffman
Decluttering tip – start small. And as many decluttering guides will suggest, do a little often. Or you will burn yourself out and not want to do it ever again. Don’t attempt a whole room at once.
Closing Thoughts
All of these thoughts have come from decluttering one box! It’s not even finished yet. Plus a few decades of life experience and a few years letting go of stuff. Isn’t God good. He helps us clear out the detritus and see the wood for the trees. And He’s definitely helping me and I am so grateful.
I will be bold to say that decluttering is healing along with being soooo cathartic. I just wish I had more energy to do more of it. But I will get there.
Oh and of course, don’t forget the shredder! It can feel absolutely amazing shredding that old ghost, akin to popping a balloon. Shredding one unsolicited MEcfs related ancient reprimand in letter form was sheer joy. Yes, I’m not joking, unfortunately some folk will never forgive you for falling ill. Even better, don’t hang onto it in the first place!
Thanks so much for your company on this journey of discovery.
Happy Decluttering!
Thanks for stopping by. Please scroll down to the Leave a Reply box, and post a comment on my latest post!
Have a blessed day⚘
*IMHO – In my humble opinion or I might have oreos.
*Read my other posts on the subject of Boundaries.
*Read my series on Moving Home.
A few of my latest posts…
- Happy Christmas to all!
- The Garage Awaits – Help!
- Decluttering – Strategies, Memories and Boundaries
- Names. A Contemplative Experience
- The Loft! Or Is It An Attic?
Hope found in M.E. 
You never told me you might have oreos
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehehe! I probably wouldn’t, but it was a better option than onions.
LikeLike