Good question, right?
I follow numerous upbeat pages on Facebook, and one recently shared an article about people pleasing and boundaries. You can read it here
It got me thinking about how through much self work and some help, I have improved how I operate and my boundaries. It has taken time, research, courage and practise. And was initiated by a wonderful Specialist MEcfs Occupational Therapist, who recognised my need for change. Thankfully I listened, and thus the change began.
Do I slip up and slip back into outdated modus operandi? Yes, it happens. But I check myself.
This past few months have been a serious reminder of there having been a serious imbalance, again. Spendimg the past 7 months living in my bedroom. Lovely room though it is, it becomes tedious. But the recent addition of a stairlift is helping access to the house for short periods. Hoorah! I might actually be able to go out soon!
Awareness Of Triggers
To take a far more relaxed ‘does this suit me‘ and ‘this isn’t my (sole) responsibility to pursue or fix’ approach is vital. Boundaries, assertiveness and self care are something you continue to practice, they are not a one off. It’s a continual maintenance job. But so worth it. There is no doubt, ingrained learned habits from childhood are hard to unlearn. But it is possible. Learning to say ‘NO‘ is probably the hardest word anyone can learn.
I felt myself embark on the pleaser rabbit warren following a recent parental family phonecall. Old behaviours emerged. I nipped that in the bud, minus guilt. Although that did take 12 hours to activate.
It also reminded me of how I should have asserted my needs as a parent at work and in other settings. And how on one occasion should actually have expressed my absolute astonishment, downed tools (in my case books), and gone anyway when refused a two hour slot to watch my daughter sing in her last show at Junior school, before moving to Senior. I was left speechless, feeling utterly trampled on…what the h***! I was devastated.
Many years later, I am now a much reformed people pleaser. I understand boundaries far better. The health in having and setting them, and not being afraid of putting them in place. And recognising when I’m not honouring them. As I spoke about here.
Self Care When Others Don’t Care
Relating to my piece mentioned above, I am still working on encouraging others to take over, but am now completely shut down on campaigning and do very little on this subject. I don’t see that as failing. More recognising that I can’t burn up my health for others who can’t be bothered, but yet love to see results, whilst another is drowning in the process. Aka *CBA! It’s healthy to move on, when a season is done. And I am done. Line drawn. Not going back to that level of stress, ever! My post about my campaigning gives an insight along with why I started.
*CBA – Can’t Be As*ed (in plain English, lol)
Receiving a fairly innocuous email update this week, caused my stress to spike. So another nudge that I am doing exactly the right thing by stepping back. Writing this post is in itself self help, with my whole being shouting – ‘Don’t you dare back track. We’ve been through too much pain’. I am just starting to ever so slowly recuperate from a very bad reaction to an antibiotic, which has meant 7 months of bed rest, I am NOT going to blow it now. Whether I have the courage to delete a Facebook Group if no one steps up remains to be seen. But I think I will have the courage to do it, because I have researched how. I have a delete button and I’m not afraid to use it. I am not a doormat.
Time For Change
So, if you are a
- People pleaser
Please, for the sake of your health. mental and physical. Please take stock and change your ways. You will initially meet with resistance from some (persevere and keep going), but joy from others as they see you flourish into who you are meant to be.
Being one of the above contributed to almost finishing me off. Please don’t be that person.
Be you, who YOU are in all your loveliness.
My Christian Faith Helps Me Realise My Value.❤
Have a blessed day⚘
2 thoughts on “Are You A People Pleaser?”
Use the delete button😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehehe! I will make sure I don’t hesitate. 😁 xxx