Our doggo wakes early, as she is getting quite old. My husband gallantly awakes at her rustling, to get her outside to do her necessary. She needs a little more coaxing now, as her legs are bit wobbly in her dotage.
Today, this doggo ‘activity’ helped me wake for the 7am Silent Hour, with the Nazareth Community. The silence is livestreamed, which may sound like an oxymoron. But, believe me, it works.
Will My Mind Be Quiet?
While I joined the silence, hoping to just be peaceful, I experienced a challenge which is not uncommon. My mind wandering in and out of every thought possible, whilst at the same time trying to focus on the silence with ease. ¹MEcfs can make you feel like you need a sleep from the effort of waking up, which doesn’t help. So, to avoid amassing a huge preamble of it all in my mind, I picked up a book from the small book stack by the bed. I move the stack (which changes over time) around the house, in a canvas London Wildlife Trust bag.
It travels regularly on the stairlift. This stack, for when a window of reading opens. I use those too! Reading windows. Another MEcfs strategy.
Which Books are in my Stack?
- A Simple Rosary Book (along with my Rosary)
- Reconsidering the Rosary by Anthony Price
- Blessed by Our Brokenness by Anne Field OSB
- Love Bade Me Welcome by Robert Llewelyn
- The City is My Monastery by Reverend Richard Carter
- The Wild Places by Robert MacFarlane
The last book on the list may seem a little off topic. It is one I acquired whilst seeking adventure while on 100% bedrest. I didn’t manage to read it, which isn’t unusual. Consequently I am trying to listen to it on audible. Another strategy for reading, which is also sporadic and stop/start depending on cognitive capacity.
The Book – ‘Love Bade Me Welcome’
The book I reached for this morning is ‘Love Bade Me Welcome’ by Robert Llewelyn, first published in 1984. It is about prayer and growth in understanding of God’s love. And how this can be affected by our own image of God. It explores the depth of the love of God, to the many still missing out. Also making reference at times to the Anchoress Julian of Norwich and her writings ‘Revelations of Divine Love‘. A writing I haven’t as yet explored, but have had some introduction to Julian of Norwich through a Companion’s online Retreat. There is much to learn.
As I may have mentioned in my post Saturday Sharing, I am exploring praying the Rosary. And the book ‘Love Bade Me Welcome’ was one suggested in the original guide that I read. It has a very helpful chapter, Chapter 5 ‘Psalming Down the Devil‘, devoted to praying the Rosary. Which is the chapter I read first.
I can generally only read two or three pages of any book (not possible everyday), before my mind stops absorbing it. Then have to go back and glance over it. I do underline in pencil, depending on the book, but on this occasion didn’t. So have gone back to do so. But find it is far more effective for helping the cement the detail when underlining while reading in real time.
Discussion and Understanding
As the hour progressed I read a little more from ‘Love Bade Me Welcome‘. From Chapter 2 ‘A Question Answered‘. I was part way through the chapter from a few days ago. A chapter delving deeper into anger, and humanity’s often preoccupation with God being filled with wrath. It is a very disarming chapter, which I found very helpful. I often feel, as a Christian, that I am the only one who gets irritated and annoyed.
Well, this chapter helped alot. And goes onto explain self-righteousness in camparison to compassion in a righteousness person. My explanation doesn’t cover the nuances written in the book. It would take me quite a while. But the differences in anger, and how it is dealt with as described in page 25 ³‘burning in the grate’ as opposed to a ‘forest fire‘, are clearly explained, in an understandable way. Growing in our faith in Christ transforms our anger, transforms us from a state of anger. Discussed further on page 26. And refers to scripture on the subject, such as in Ephesians 4:26 ~ not falling asleep on anger.
Returning to Silence
Once I had read a little, I returned to silence. Asking God how His seed of love is sewn on arid ground. Asking what we do when relationship meets a road block, a brick wall. When you feel a bit shunned or just don’t feel you belong. On the periphery. The limitations of chronic illness can at times heighten these feelings, being unable to participate in life as many wish or prefer one would. It can become very disheartening and painful.
The Parable of the Sower
13 That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2 Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3 Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”
Matthew 13:1-9
NIV Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
I had just read a sentence comparing ²light and its spectrum to the love of God. A comment on the thread, which logically is mostly silent and inactive, had mentioned the light from the window being particularly stunning. I didn’t notice anything through my bleary eyes. Then, having prayed a little more, I looked back at the screen and saw this!
Light and its Colours
In the Chapter and page I happened to be reading, it refers to white light, which contains many colours in the spectrum, and goes on to list the many facets of love which are contained ²‘in harmony within the totality of love’. As in God’s love. I appreciate this is rather deep for a Monday morning. But seeing the window as it is pictured above, helped me feel heard. And encouraged me not be be flattened. To keep pressing in, as there is still so much to learn, understand and grow with. Well, it is spring after all.
So whilst trying to contain thoughts, they all came flooding out instead. Which really isn’t the aim of being silent. Or perhaps in a way it is just part of the process? But for myself, that hour of prayer, thought and a little more understanding, wasn’t wasted. I more frequently join the ⁴Wednesday afternoon silence for peace. And am generally more able to be immersed at that time.
Closing Thoughts
All of this culminates in my gratitude for the journey I was ‘invited to embark on’ by God at the beginning of Lent to explore the Rosary, when I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the chosen Book for Lent. I have learned so much over the past seven to eight weeks. And the journey continues having read three chapters of a book, read a small notebook about the Rosary. And am continuing with praying and exploring the Rosary being a more regular part of my prayer life. None of this I would have likely had the courage to explore without having become a Nazareth Companion.
The light emerged, and I am grateful.
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Have a blessed day⚘
¹MEcfs – Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
²Love Bade Me Welcome – Chapter 2, page 28.
³Love Bade Me Welcome – Chapter 2, page 25.
⁴Silent Prayer is livestreamed on the St Martin’s-in-the-fields Facebook page on Monday and Thursday mornings at 7am BST and on Wednesdays at 5pm BST.
Join me on socials
- May – ME Awareness Month
- Thoughts of Family on the 80th Anniversary of VE Day
- Light Changes Everything
- Comparison – the Thief of Joy
- Happy Easter
Hope found in M.E. 
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