At last, in touch again. I know it’s been a while and apologies for that… Part 2 of ‘More than a shadow, more than a view’!….I’ll be posting it pretty soon.
I’m returning to this blog following a few weeks break. It’s good to be back…feeling slightly delerious. This blog post may seem a little disjointed, but hey it adds to the unexpected.
I had hoped (& planned) to be more frequent in blog posts, but I’m currently digging myself out of a particularly horrible foggy cog episode with what feels like a flimsy plastic seaside spade!…it’s been ladled on with a heaped side helping of other wondrous symptoms. It’s brought on a blog, so it’s not all bad…well, ok if I’m honest it is..and my ‘spade’ keeps going out of shape & snapping on me. Whose idea was it to build sandcastles anyway!
I feel like my hesitation is tangible to readers as I try to recall my blog notes…no it’s a definite, they’re not on instant recall, that’s taken a vacation (& left me with this dodgy ‘device’) & my blog notes are somewhere not to hand. Be back later….. 3+ weeks later.
Thanks for your patience. Oh yes. ALARMS!! That word used to mean to me..get up…GET UP..or, that the mild burning smell drifting from the item in the oven is now most definitely cooked. My family have a saying for that!! The past weeks have reminded me again of the new (not that new) definition of the word and why I need to embrace it a little..alot more readily. I’m not stubborn, honestly.
However, alarms to MEeps are a serious subject. Eg. ‘Eat, rest, sleep, stop, stop, err STOP!! Prior to the arrival of ME/cfs I wasn’t a person prone to stopping…anything! I would happily squeeze every thing I could from every second of the day. The sense of not wasting a moment had gradually developed over a period of years. I’d become rather good at it and at neglecting rest, and my well being. I had become almost incapable of just being, even for a few minutes. Rest! Pah, that’s for whimps.
I won’t go into my thoughts on why this happened, to be honest I’m not altogether sure, but now my focus has changed. It finally came to the point with the onset of ME/cfs, that I could not be one thing to one person, let alone all to all. I’ve had to learn & continue to learn to say the word NO to myself and to others..along with …REST, STOP, DAYDREAM, PONDER, RESPITE, PAUSE, BREATHING SPACE…and BE. A word expressed to me by a wonderful & inspiring pastor friend.
One of my favourite scriptures is ~ Matthew 11:28 (NIV) ~ ‘Come to me all who are weary and burdened & I will give you rest’.
Also in Luke 10:38-42 ~ Jesus expressly says to Martha your focus is on doing, not on being…with me. Stop. Rest… in me.
There it was staring me in the face for years and I had ignored it.
Rest is mentioned so many times in scripture and I hadn’t realised. In Exodus 18, Moses is taken to one side by his father-in-law and given a little advice on how to avoid over doing it. ie..ask for help. How many of us don’t like to listen and take advice? It’s not a popular suggestion in our ‘I am totally infalable, can achieve all things as a solitary being’ world. I have learned the hard way.
What I have learned is invaluable. That the person who invented the alarm is a GENIUS…although many of us have missed one it’s main benefits…to remind us to STOP! To wake up to the concept of rest.
Some folk may think me a bit naggy, or bonkers probably, when I politely suggest…’have you rested, you need to take a holiday, stop doing so much, forget the ironing..and why don’t you have a takeaway’. As children we have to or are encouraged to rest…why as adults are we encouraged to burn ourselves out?
The point I’m trying to make is that through the darstadly world of ME/cfs, I have, incredibly, learned a new skill…to be at rest, to allow it, to be a peace doing it and to embrace it…and if anyone tells you taking regular rest is a bad idea, ignore them. And by rest I mean not DOING anything. It is such a great feeling to hear your gentle alarm nudging you out of a well planned, I actually went to rest before I totally crashed, rest…and more importantly that you listened to the alarm reminding you to do so. Knowing you will for a little while feel the benefit and to know you are giving yourself consideration.
I think I’ve made my point.
A – always L – leave A – activity (&) R – rest M – more. Is a pretty good place to start for many MEeps (experienced and new). And for anyone really who is feeling the pressure or can see it gradually looming on the horizon. ACT NOW!.. set your alarm, down tools and go and sit in the park, lye down by a river bank or in the garden & zone out of the hectic pace. Give yourself time and persevere, like anything else it’s a skill which has to be learned or re-learned.
I hope my blog helps someone today. Rest is where you find rest. Have a lovely & peaceful day and thanks so much for reading.
Psalm 16: 6a & 9 – The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places… my body… rests secure.
Breathe – Kathryn Scott